


Apricity

by AudrerAndJuck



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Frozen, Character Death, Frozen AU, Gen, Moobloom, Niki | Nihachu/Wilbur Soot - Freeform, Tommy is Elsa, Tubbo is Anna, Will is a good dad, im not shipping tubbo thats a lil weirdchamp, only a little tho
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:46:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27052876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AudrerAndJuck/pseuds/AudrerAndJuck
Summary: Apricity(noun)The warmth of the sun in winter.***“So?” Tubbo asked, entirely unable to contain his enthusiasm.“So?” Tommy looked to his younger brother. “So what? What do you want from me?” Tommy knew exactly what Tubbo wanted. It was the same thing he always wanted. Whenever they played, whenever he was sad, Tubbo always wanted the same thing.“So you know what to do. Do the magic!”***Tommy and Tubbo Frozen AU
Relationships: Eret & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Floris | Fundy & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Toby Smith | Tubbo & Wilbur Soot, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Comments: 53
Kudos: 264





	1. Brain Freeze

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya, I'm Audrer!  
> So basically at the beginning of quarantine Juck showed me these cool people called the Dream Team. Long story short now I'm here writing my first ever fanfiction about Minecraft streamers because this is my life now. So yeah, if you've seen Frozen the plot (at least the basic outline) is pretty similar. Tommy and Tubbo are brothers and Tommy has ice powers. For the sake of the fic Tommy is a year-ish older than Tubbo.  
> But yeah I'll stop rambling. Enjoy the first chapter :)

“Tommy!” Tubbo ran into Tommy’s room and hopped onto his bed shouting. “Tommy wake up, wake up!” Tubbo jumped on Tommy’s bed much to Tommy’s displeasure. The biggest smile was plastered on the boy’s face.

“Tubbo, what are you  _ doing? _ ” Tommy moaned, grabbing his pillow to put over his head in the hope that it would muffle his younger brother’s shouting. It was much too early for him to be waking up. The warm L’Manberg sun had hardly even risen enough to shine through his bedroom window and stars were still visible in the sky. “It’s hardly even morning. Go back to bed.”

“The sun is up, Tommy! I want to play!” Tubbo giggled. “The bees in the courtyard aren’t awake yet so  _ you  _ have to play with me now.” Tommy felt Tubbo pull away the pillow he was holding to his face and grab his hands to pull him out of bed. Tommy groaned but knew protesting was a battle he would lose. It was a battle he lost every morning. Tubbo always woke up early, so Tommy always woke up early.

“Alright, alright. You’re so clingy, you know that?” Even though Tommy didn’t show it, he loved to be with his brother. He’d do anything for Tubbo. Tommy let himself be dragged out of bed. Tubbo giggled excitedly. The two princes made their way to the grand ballroom, Tubbo skipping ahead and smiling brightly. The ballroom was the biggest room in the entire castle, and their favorite place to play. Two magnificent golden chandeliers hung from the ceiling illuminating the room by candlelight. The beautiful blue walls were trimmed with gold and etched with their family crest. A large flag, the flag of L’Manberg, hung proudly above a gorgeous double staircase, perfect for a grand entrance.

“So?” Tubbo asked, entirely unable to contain his enthusiasm. 

“So?” Tommy looked to his younger brother. “So what? What do you want from me?” Tommy knew exactly what Tubbo wanted. It was the same thing he always wanted. Whenever they played, whenever he was sad, Tubbo always wanted the same thing.

“ _ So _ you know what to do. Do the  _ magic _ !” Tubbo pleaded. 

There was a little spark in Tommy’s blue eyes; a spark of mischief and fun. Tommy looked to the ceiling and reached his hands up and out. The high ballroom ceiling exploded into a sparkly white cloud of snow raining down onto the two boys. Snowflakes fell to the marble floors while Tubbo cheered. 

Tommy had always been special. He was born with the ability to create and manipulate magical snow and ice. No one outside the royal family knew of his powers. King Wilbur and Queen Niki decided it would be best for Tommy’s gift to be kept secret from the rest of the kingdom. Even if Tommy’s magic was wonderful and beautiful, they knew their son would be safer if his magic was confined to the walls of the castle. Tubbo wasn’t like Tommy. He had been born perfectly ordinary. He was never jealous or resentful of Tommy and his powers. Ice and snow were just a part of Tommy, it was who he was, who he always had been.

Tubbo ran in circles trying to catch snowflakes on his tongue, snow powdered his brown hair turning it shiny and white.

“Tubbo, stop running in circles like that. You’re going to-” Tommy started, but it was too late and Tubbo fell to the snow blanketed floor with a  _ thwump _ . He dizzily sat up from the snow pile shaking his hair and flinging the white powder everywhere. Tommy laughed causing Tubbo to laugh along with him.

“Hey, Tubbo,” Tommy said. “Watch this!” Tommy swirled his hands around in front of himself. Small shards of ice flew through the air and circled around a place on the ground near Tommy. Something was beginning to take shape beginning from the ground up. A full man with a funny grin and hair that would’ve seemed fluffy had it not been made of ice stood before them. 

Tubbo squealed. “Skeppy!” He ran over to hug the ice man.

“What?” Tommy scrunched his face in confusion. “What on Earth is a Skeppy?”

“That’s his name,” Tubbo said excitedly. “Skeppy!”

“Uh…alright I guess,” Tommy said. “But if anyone asks who’s idea that was, it wasn’t mine.” Tubbo giggled in response.

Tubbo chased Tommy around for a while, throwing snowballs he gathered from the ground while Tommy ducked behind a shield he made out of blue ice.

“Tubbo, follow me. I have an idea.” Tommy said, slightly out of breath from the chase, as he started scaling the right side of the ballroom’s grand double staircase. He trailed his fingers along the handrails, frosting them a bright white. Each step he took up the stairs spread a slick glaze of ice all the way down the steps and to the floor. When they reached the top of the stairs Tommy turned to Tubbo and smiled eagerly.

“Okay, Tubbo,” Tommy looked at the long smooth slide to the bottom of the stairs. “Are you ready?” Tubbo stared up at his brother with wide trusting eyes and nodded. “Alright, here I-” Tommy jumped onto the stairway, “-go!”

Tommy held his arms out to steady himself, his right foot in front of his left as he slid down the icy slope. His fluffy blonde hair flew back and he felt himself shout with joy from the adrenaline. He felt like he was flying, like he was gliding down a mountain with the wind in his hair and the cold snow on his skin. When he finally reached the bottom of the steps he pressed his hands out in front of himself and shot ice out of them to slow his momentum before he skidded to a halt. Tommy was out of breath and laughing harder than he had in weeks. He  _ definitely _ wanted to do that again.

“Tubbo! Tubbo, oh my god did you see that? I was flying, Tubbo! You have to try it,” Tommy beamed. Tubbo looked down at him smiling, but there was the slightest hint of hesitation in his eyes. 

“Tommy…I- I’m not so sure about this…” Tubbo looked down at Tommy. Tommy knew Tubbo was a little less impulsive than he was. He knew that Tubbo tended to think a little more about things before he did them. They complimented each other that way. Tubbo was cautious in times that Tommy wasn’t, but Tommy ensured that Tubbo still let loose enough to have fun. 

“Tubbo, please try it,” Tommy pleaded. “I promise you’ll be okay. Just hold your arms out to balance and I’ll catch you.” 

Tubbo seemed a little more at ease knowing that Tommy would be there for him once he reached the bottom of the stairs. “Okay,” he said. “Okay, Tommy, I’m coming.” Tubbo inched toward the top of the stairs and tested out the ice on the steps with his foot. Tommy watched intently as Tubbo took a deep breath, never taking his eyes off the ice path he’d soon be sliding down, and jumped.

He didn’t land as gracefully as Tommy had. In fact, he hardly even landed on his feet. Tubbo was slipping and sliding and gaining speed and-

“ _ Tommy! _ ” Tubbo shrieked as he vainly attempted to regain his balance. 

“Tubbo!” Tommy ran to the bottom of the stairs where Tubbo was barrelling towards him. If he could just slow Tubbo down… 

“Stay calm,” Tommy shouted hoping Tubbo could hear him over his screaming. He’d wake the whole castle at this rate but Tommy didn’t care. “I’ve got you, Tubbo!” Tommy blasted his magic right next to Tubbo in an attempt to slow him down but instead of creating a soft pile of snow he created enormous ice spikes directly to the left of Tubbo. Tubbo shrieked again, looking wide-eyed at the spikes, and continued slipping. Tommy winced.  _ Not ice. Don’t hurt Toby. Soft snow. _ Tommy tried again to save Tubbo but he created the snow a little too far to the right of him this time, only slowing Tubbo the slightest bit. Tubbo was only a few meters from the bottom of the steps where he would surely crash and be hurt badly if Tommy didn’t do something  _ now _ . Tommy tried one last time to give Tubbo a soft landing. He inhaled and, never taking his eyes off of Tubbo, hurled ice magic at him.

Tommy heard Tubbo cry out. The magic hadn’t landed in front of him to cushion the fall. Instead it had struck him in the head. Tubbo collapsed on the floor in a heap surrounded by snow and ice. 

“Tubbo!” Tommy cried out, running towards his brother. “Tubbo, you have to be okay.  _ Please be okay. _ ” He took Tubbo in his arms, cradling his head. Now, bright against his dark brown hair, was a streak of white blonde. He took one of Tubbo’s hands in his own. His skin was ice cold. Tommy shut his eyes tightly and took in a shaky breath. Tears were welling up in his eyes threatening to spill over. One of his tears rolled down his pale cheek and froze almost as soon as it fell. The frozen tear droplet landed on Tubbo’s chest near where Tommy was holding onto his hand like a lifeline. Tommy was choking back sobs. The snow cloud above them that Tommy had created began swirling into an angry storm of guilt. Biting cold snow blew around the room circling Tommy but he didn’t even feel it. He buried his face in Tubbo’s hair. Even his hair was cold.  _ This is all my fault. I hurt you. I hurt you, Tubbo. I’m so so sorry. _

Tommy heard footsteps pounding through the corridor outside the ballroom. He looked up just in time to see the giant doors burst open on the opposite side of the room. His father, Wilbur, and mother, Niki, rushed inside. Their eyes were wide, searching frantically for the cause of the commotion until Wilbur’s came to rest on Tommy kneeling at the foot of the stairs. Wilbur and Niki ran through the snow that swirled through the air around their sons like a protective barrier. 

“Tommy, what on Earth is going on?” Wilbur asked. He and Niki finally reached Tommy and saw Tubbo in his arms. Niki’s eyes widened and she reached for Tubbo. 

“No!” Tommy yelled, startling his parents. “Don’t take him away from me… _ please. _ ” Tommy’s voice pitched higher and cracked. He closed his eyes and faced downward again. Niki slowly knelt down in front of Tommy and ran her fingers through Tubbo’s hair, staring at the new white streak that Tommy had put there.

_ They hate me. They hate me. They see what I’ve done to Tubbo. They’ll never forgive me. Tubbo will never forgive me. I’ll never forgive myself. _

“I- I’m sorry,” Tommy cried softly. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t  _ mean _ to. I swear I didn’t mean to. Save Toby, please.  _ Please, help him _ .” Tommy rambled until he was out of breath and trembling.

Niki looked to Wilbur who had knelt next Tommy and wrapped his arms around him. Tommy leaned into his father’s touch and buried his face in Wilbur’s chest. “Wil,” Niki said, “What does this mean?” She was shivering now. Both she and Wilbur must’ve been so cold but Tommy didn’t know how to stop the storm inside the castle that he had created. “He’s ice cold, Wilbur. What do we  _ do? _ ”

“I- I don’t know,” Wilbur said, at a loss. “But I think I might know someone who does.”

***

Tommy was holding onto Tubbo so tightly he would’ve hurt the boy if he didn’t only have the strength of an eight year old. They were rushing in a horse drawn carriage through the forest for what seemed to Tommy like hours. The path they were on had obviously not been well kept and the carriage rattled and bumped the entire way to- well…Tommy didn't know where they were going. Wilbur had said that he met a man in the forest during his travels that might know how to wake Tubbo, who was still unconscious.  _ I hope he can help you. I’m so sorry, Tubbo. I swear I’ll never use my magic again, just please wake up. _

Wilbur steered the horses, having not wanted to waste any time waking the castle’s servants, and much less wanting to reveal to someone Tommy’s powers. Especially in these circumstances. Niki sat next to Tommy with her arms around him, her thumb rubbing comforting circles into his shoulder. She was warm, though Tommy knew it was actually that he was cold. He was always cold, at least that’s what people told him. He couldn’t really  _ feel _ the cold. He knew what cold felt like, but it never affected him the way it affected others. Either way he was grateful for the warmth.

It was nearly light outside now. The sun was just starting to peak up over the horizon. The carriage stopped abruptly and Tommy knew that they had arrived. “Mum,” Tommy said, looking up at Niki. “They’re going to be able to fix Tubbo, right? Tubbo’s going to be okay?” He could feel the tears threatening to come forward once more and he willed them back.

Niki exhaled. “Yes, Tommy,” she said. “I promise you, Toby will be okay.” She gave him a halfhearted smile and Tommy could tell she was just as scared as he was. She was just trying to stay calm for him. Tommy knew that she couldn’t promise Tubbo would be okay, but it made him feel a little better regardless.

They had stopped in a small clearing in the woods surrounded by large trees. Wilbur carried Tubbo gently in his arms and Niki stayed at his side holding Tommy’s hand as they walked further into the clearing away from the carriage. Tommy heard the sound of water and turned to see a stream as they walked by. He noticed the bank of the stream closest to him freezing up and quickly turned away. He didn’t know why things froze when he didn’t want them to. He couldn’t control his magic. Maybe whoever was going to help Tubbo would be able to help him learn.

“Phil?” Wilbur called out. “Philza? It’s Wilbur Soot of L’Manberg. I need your help. I’m begging you. It’s my son. He’s-”

The wind picked up around them and a man appeared out of the forest ahead of them. He had blonde hair and wore a dark green cloak trimmed with black fabric with a swirling design. The clothes he wore under his cloak appeared to be fully black. He didn’t look unordinary in any way, but Tommy could tell there was something different about him. Not special like Tommy was special, but in a more knowledgeable way. 

“Wil?” The man, Philza, looked at Tommy’s father, his blue eyes wide. “Is that really you?”

“Yes, Phil, it’s me,” Wilbur said. “It’s good to see you after so long but I desperately need help and you’re the only one I can ask. The only one I can trust.”

Phil looked at Wilbur, then down at Tubbo with concerned eyes and nodded. “I’ll try my best to help you, whatever you need Wilbur.” Wilbur rested Tubbo on the soft grass while Phil knelt down at his side and put a hand to his freezing cold cheek. Tommy didn’t like the idea of someone outside the castle touching his brother, but he knew it was their only option and his dad seemed to trust Phil very much. Tommy tried to have faith in him too.

“How did this happen?” Phil asked, looking to Wilbur. Wilbur started to answer but was cut off by Tommy.

“I did it,” he said guiltily. “I hurt Tubbo. I didn’t want to hurt him but I struck him in the head with my magic and now he’s hurt and I’m so sorry.” Tommy gripped Niki’s hand tighter and shut his eyes before he had a chance to start crying again. He had always hated crying.

“Magic? What kind of magic?” Phil asked slowly. He turned to Wilbur. “Was he cursed with these powers or born with them?”

“Born,” said Wilbur. “He has the power to create ice and snow. It’s only getting stronger. Never in my life have I heard of anything like it before, but maybe you have. I know that you know a lot about magic. Maybe you could wake Tubbo.”

Phil brushed his fingers across Tubbo’s newly white blonde hair. “He was struck in the head?” Tommy nodded. Phil’s eyebrows furrowed as he thought for a moment. “I believe I can remove the ice. You are lucky it wasn’t his heart. That would be much more difficult. This, however,” he gestured to Tubbo, “should be fixable.” Tommy watched as Phil closed his eyes and waved a gloved hand over Tubbo’s closed eyes. “I suggest that we remove all magic from his mind. Even his memories of your magic. Just in case.”

“Does that mean he won’t remember my powers?” Tommy looked up at Niki.

“It’s for the best, Tommy,” Niki said.

Phil raised his hand and blue sparkly ice magic followed it from Tubbo’s forehead. It swirled around his hand before he closed his fingers around it and it disappeared completely. “There. He should be okay now. All of this will seem like a dream to him. He will most likely wake up some time tomorrow, but for now he needs to rest.” Tommy looked down at his sleeping brother and placed his hand over Tubbo’s where it lay at his side. It wasn’t ice cold anymore. Tommy let out a breath of relief. Tubbo would be okay. Wilbur moved to pick up Tubbo and carried him back to the carriage. Tommy and Niki turned to follow.

“Wait,” Phil said in a low voice. “Tommy.”

Tommy turned to him with a questioning look. Phil continued with concern evident on his face. “You must learn to control your magic. Your power will only grow. You really can do such beautiful things, but there is also great danger, Tommy.” Tommy looked up at Phil with fear in his eyes. “You must control your magic or it will soon control you.”

Tommy stuttered for a moment, not quite sure what to say. He needed to control his powers…but how? How could he be sure another accident like what happened with Tubbo wouldn’t happen again?  _ I’m dangerous, he said. What if I hurt Tubbo again? Or Mum and Dad? What if I  _ can’t  _ learn to control it? What then? _

“He will learn,” said Niki, placing a hand on his shoulder. “He can learn to control his powers. Until then we will limit his contact with people and close the castle gates to anyone not part of the castle staff.”

Tommy looked at her in horror. He knew this is what had to happen to ensure the safety of the kingdom, but it was definitely not something he was ready for.

“His powers will be hidden from everyone,” she said. “Especially Toby.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> I've never posted on this site before (or any fanfic site for that matter) so hopefully I've done everything right and all that.  
> If you have an idea feel free to comment, I have a fair amount of the fic planned out and I'm super hyped to write it. I already have a couple more chapters that I'll upload sometime soon (hopefully).  
> I asked Juck what to say here and she said that I'm gay. So thanks Juck.  
> But yeah kudos and all that are appreciated, and remember, president president.


	2. Closed Doors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who commented and read the last chapter you have no idea how excited I got when people other than Juck and I read this haha.  
> There's a part where Wilbur sings a song: "Be the Hero-Reprise" by Bobby Steggert from Big Fish. Juck picked it out cause she likes musicals and all that so thanks Juck.  
> This chapter starts the day after the previous chapter so they're ages 7 and 8. There's a lotta time skips that I hope aren't too confusing. At the end of the chapter they are 11 and 12.  
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter :)

Tubbo awoke alone in his room. He groggily opened his eyes to see the sun shining through his window. It was well past the early morning that he usually woke up to. He wondered why he had slept in so late, but didn’t think about it for too long. It was nearly midday which meant the bees in the courtyard would be buzzing around the colorful flowers. Tubbo loved the bees. He changed out of his pajamas and shrugged on a random shirt and some pants. He reached for his comb by the vanity mirror to run it through his hair a few times before leaving his room, but when Tubbo looked in the mirror he saw something he didn’t remember being there before. There was a white blonde streak standing out against his dark hair.  _ What on Earth is this?  _ Tubbo thought, bewildered. He placed his comb back on the vanity and stared at his reflection running his fingers through his hair. He frowned at himself in confusion before going to his brother’s room to show him. He tried to turn the knob to Tommy’s door but it was locked. “Tommy?” Tubbo said, knocking on the door. “Tommy, I have something cool to show you!” He waited for Tommy’s response but none came.  _ Maybe he’s already awake. It’s almost noon after all. _

Tubbo shrugged and made his way to the courtyard. There was a pretty pathway in the shape of a cross made of large stones. It was lined with trees and bushes with different colored flowers blossoming on them. Where the paths crossed in the center was a small fountain and a few wooden benches. This was Tubbo’s favorite place to spend his time when he wasn’t with Tommy. It was so serene and calming. The only sounds were the flowing of the water in the fountain and the bees softly buzzing around him as they flew from flower to flower. He crouched down next to a nearby plant sprouting pretty yellow daffodils. A bee was inside one of the flowers and Tubbo watched it intently.

“Hello, friend,” Tubbo said to the bee. He reached out and moved a leaf to the side to get a better look at it when it flew from the flower and landed on the back of his hand. “Oh, okay, how’s it going?” Tubbo smiled. “I think I’ll call you Spins.” Spins flew around Tubbo once before heading back to his hive. “Goodbye, Spins. I’ll introduce you to Tommy later.” He waved at the bee as it flew away. 

Tubbo’s stomach grumbled and he realized he had missed breakfast that morning. He stood up and brushed off his pants before making his way to the dining hall.

***

Tubbo hadn’t seen Tommy all day. He wasn’t in any of the places that they normally played together. He wasn’t in the library, or the garden, or the ballroom. He didn’t come to any of the meals for the day. Tubbo wasn’t sure if Tommy had even left his room at all, but when Tubbo knocked earlier Tommy hadn’t responded. Surely Tommy wouldn’t ignore him. They were brothers, and best friends.

It was dark outside now. Tubbo walked by Tommy’s room on his way to his own. He could see light shining out from under the door. He knocked a few times. The door was strangely cold. “Tommy? I haven’t seen you all day,” he said. “Do you want to look out at the stars on the balcony with me before bed?” Tommy didn’t respond immediately. Tubbo waited a few moments before he heard Tommy’s voice from the other side of the door.

“No, Tubbo. I don’t want to look at stars.” Tommy’s voice was low and serious. Tubbo wondered what was wrong. He wondered why Tommy didn’t want to see him. He usually loved looking at stars with him before bedtime. It was something they did every night.

“Are you sure? They’re really pretty tonight. There isn’t a cloud in the sky and-”

“No, Tubbo. God, you’re so clingy.”

“Oh…alright then,” Tubbo said, a bit confused. He took a step back from the door. “I’ll see you in the morning then. Goodnight, Tommy. I love you.” There was silence, and then-

“I love you too, Tubbo. Goodnight.”

***

It had been a few weeks since had Tubbo woken up with the strange patch of white hair. He had asked his father about it, but Wilbur had told him that he was born with it. Tubbo was very sure that he hadn’t been. Surely he’d remember it if he’d been born with an entire patch of his hair the wrong color. Wilbur had seemed agitated though and Tubbo had decided to drop the subject. Tubbo had also asked him why the gates to the castle were closed, why they didn’t go out into L’Manberg anymore, and why no one ever came in. Wilbur insisted that it was for safety, so he and Tommy would be safe. Even though he was just a child Tubbo didn’t entirely believe his father, but there was no point in arguing. He wouldn’t be able to open the gates himself and Wilbur seemed quite set in his decision.

Tubbo had rarely seen Tommy outside of his room. He saw him leave his room on the way to the bathroom once, but he wouldn’t make eye contact with Tubbo. Tubbo was sad. He wondered what happened to  _ his _ Tommy. The Tommy that used to let Tubbo drag him out of bed at dawn to do anything and everything together. The Tommy that enjoyed being with him more than anything. The Tommy that got excited with him about bees and stars. The Tommy that went outside with him in winter to slide down the river as it had frozen over into a sheet of ice, to catch snowflakes on their tongues and laugh together.  _ His _ Tommy wouldn’t hide away from him. This Tommy ignored him and stayed shut up in his room, refusing to come out and so much as speak to Tubbo without a door in the way. This Tommy preferred to be alone. This Tommy didn’t care about Tubbo or his bees or stars or snowflakes.

Despite Tommy’s insistence that Tubbo leave him alone, Tubbo still would ask Tommy every morning to open his door. He would ask him to come out and play. He would tell him that things could go back to the way they used to be, when they were best friends. Every morning he got the same answer.

_ No, Tubbo. Leave me alone. _

Even though Tommy never showed signs of changing his mind, Tubbo didn’t give up on him. He knew  _ his _ Tommy was sad, shut away in his room for days on end. He knew  _ his _ Tommy would come back soon. He would come out of his room and hug Tubbo tightly and say that they could be best friends again. He had to, didn’t he?

***

Tommy thought it would get easier. He  _ hoped _ it would get easier, shutting Tubbo out. Surely after over a year it would be easier than before. Maybe one day, when he got his powers under control, he would be able to make it up to Tubbo. He’d be able to open his door when Tubbo came in the morning, asking him to come out to the courtyard, telling him how wonderful the flowers smelled, how beautiful the bees danced through the air. He’d open the door when Tubbo came to say goodnight and they’d go out on the balcony and look at the stars like they once did. 

_ But I can’t. I can’t because my powers  _ aren’t _ under control. I’d hurt Tubbo. I’d hurt everyone because I’m cursed, because I’m a monster. _

Tommy didn’t see many people anymore. He didn’t eat meals with his family. Instead, he was brought food by a member of the castle staff, and even then they were ordered to stay outside his room. They’d leave a hot plate of food that Tommy would unintentionally freeze on occasion before he had a chance to eat it. His parents would come and check on him. They’d spend time with him when they weren’t too busy. Those were the easier days. The days when Niki would tell him old stories from far off lands, or when Wilbur would play his guitar and sing with him. 

Other days were harder. Other days Tommy would have no one. He’d be alone in his room, numb to the cold that he knew others would feel if they stepped inside. He had books to read and things to do if he wanted, but he had somewhat given up on reading after the third time he had read through every book on his shelf. His father had brought him an old upright piano from one of the other rooms in the castle. Tommy didn’t know all that well how to play but he had all the time in the world to learn. He had a large window that he could look out and see parts of the kingdom, but looking at people out there living their lives while he was shut in his room was almost cruel. It was unfair that they got to go outside, that they got to see their brothers and not have to worry about freezing everything they touch. But that was one of the things that Tommy learned over the months that he was alone in his room. Life wasn’t fair. Life wasn’t fair, and shutting out Tubbo wasn’t getting easier, and it probably never would,

***

Tommy’s room was neat and tidy. How could it not be? He had nothing but time to clean if it ever got dirty. He laid on his bed with his head dangling off the side, his white blond hair nearly touching the floor as he hung upside down. It wasn’t the most comfortable position to lie in but it was a different perspective to look at his room from. After nearly three years of rarely seeing anything but those same four walls he was grateful for even the slightest change. It was getting to be quite late and Tommy could see the orange glow from the sunset through his window that he had left open. He sat up slowly and rolled off his bed before making his way over to the window to get a better look. He placed his hands on the window sill and leaned out taking in the fresh air. The sunset was one of the few things he looked forward to each day. It was one of the few things he hadn’t been forced to give up after he was shut away. 

_ Knock knock knock. _

The knocking at his door startled him and spikes of ice suddenly covered the window sill. Tommy silently cursed his powers and pulled to free his hands from the ice they were now trapped in.

“Tommy? It’s me,” he heard his father’s voice say from outside his door. “Could you let me in?”

“Yeah,” Tommy said. “Coming.” Tommy managed to release his hands and opened his door to find his father standing there smiling with his guitar slung around his back. Tommy liked it when he came with his guitar. Music was one of the king’s greatest passions and Tommy loved hearing the songs he wrote, especially after being alone in silence most of the day. Even before he was locked away in his room he had loved his father’s singing. He had a calming voice and used to sing to Tommy and Tubbo most evenings after dinner.

“Hi, Tommy,” Wilbur said, walking into the room. “I came to-” he trailed off when he saw the window sill covered in ice and his smile dropped to a concerned frown. “What happened here?”

“Nothing,” Tommy said quickly. “Your knocking just startled me. That’s all.” Wilbur hummed in response and sat down on Tommy’s bed placing his guitar to his left. He patted the bed to his right and Tommy sat down and looked up at him. 

“I can’t imagine how difficult this has been for you, Tommy,” Wilbur said sadly. “You know this is for the best though, right? You’ll learn to control your powers one day, I’m sure of it. Then we can open up the gates and things can be like they once were, I promise.”

“But what if I  _ don’t _ learn to control my powers,” Tommy said, looking down at the floor. “You know my magic is only getting stronger.” He stood up while hugging his arms around himself. “What if it never gets easier and I have to be shut away forever?” The room was starting to get colder due to Tommy’s uneasiness. Little snowflakes hung in the air. Wilbur looked up at them with fear before quickly changing back to a neutral expression though Tommy had already seen. It hurt to know his father was afraid of him, but he understood somewhat. He was afraid of himself.

“Your mother and I are doing everything we can to learn about how to fix this, how to make it easier,” Wilbur said. He paused for a moment before taking a thin box from his pocket. “I brought you something that I think might help.”

Tommy stood in front of Wilbur and took the box his father held out to him. Tommy eyed the box questioningly. It was plain and black, nothing special or unordinary. He opened it to find two teal colored gloves folded neatly inside. Not the kind of gloves that women wore to balls and parties, these were thicker, but not as thick as the gloves that people wore when it snowed to stay warm. They were lined with a darker blue and a slightly swirly design at the cuff. 

“Gloves?” Tommy asked.

“I think they’ll help keep you from using your powers unintentionally,” Wilbur said, taking one of Tommy's hands in his and slipping a glove on. 

“Oh,” Tommy said as Wilbur slipped another glove onto Tommy’s other hand. He held his hand out in front of himself and wiggled his fingers. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” Wilbur said. He turned around and grabbed his guitar off the bed. Tommy moved to sit next to his father as he played a few soft chords. Tommy already knew what song he was going to play because it was his favorite of the songs Wilbur sang, and Wilbur tried to come play it for him most days if he wasn’t too busy. Tommy leaned his head on his father’s shoulder with a content smile as he began to sing.

_ Be the hero of your story if you can _

_ Be the champion in the fight, not just the man _

_ On a wing or on a prayer you get there only with your voice _

_ With a story in your heart you won’t need any other choice _

_ You’re a hero, fighting dragons, winning wars _

_ Be the hero _

_ And the world will soon be yours _

***

The castle always seemed so empty and quiet. It was such a big and beautiful place, but no one was ever around to see it. So many of the doors seemed to be unnecessarily locked, so much so that they were essentially walls. Tubbo knew everything about the castle. He had even found a few secret passageways that he was sure his parents were unaware of. He wished he could share them with Tommy. Of course he had tried, but Tommy responded the same way he had for the past four and a half years.  _ I don’t care, Tubbo. I don’t want to see some stupid passageways. _

It was Tubbo’s eleventh birthday today. The first time he’d had a birthday after Tommy shut himself away he had hoped that Tommy would come out at least for a little while but he hadn’t. Since then Tubbo had settled for eating a slice of cake outside Tommy’s room and telling him about the day’s festivities, even with Tommy’s half hearted or uninterested replies.

Tubbo’s mother had gotten him the most incredible gift this year. Niki woke him up early in the morning and led him to the courtyard to find the most amazing thing. She had brought him a creature from a place far away that Tubbo didn’t even know existed. It was a cow of sorts but it was yellow and was covered in flowers. Niki had told him that it was called a moobloom and was from the kingdom she was born in.  _ And he’s friends with the bees _ , she had told him. Tubbo’s immediate thought was to rush inside and tell Tommy, but then he thought otherwise.  _ He won’t come see it anyways. He  _ never _ comes and sees the things I want to show him, why would today be any different? _ Tubbo had decided to name the moobloom Freddie and smiled as Spins and a few other bees flew around him, landing on the flowers that adorned the yellow cow.

It had been a good birthday, but one tradition still needed to be upheld. Tubbo quietly sneaked a leftover slice of cake from the kitchens when the chefs weren’t looking and turned to go to Tommy’s room.

***

Tommy hated holidays and special occasions. They were only another cruel reminder. Something that he longed for but couldn’t have. Today was no different. It was Tubbo’s birthday, and Tommy spent it the same way he spent every other day: locked in his room. It was dark out now, too cloudy to see the stars. Tommy sat at the upright piano Wilbur had given him. He pressed his gloved fingers down on the keys and hummed to himself. He wasn’t amazing at playing and only knew a few real songs but he enjoyed messing around with it anyways. 

A knock on the door startled Tommy out of his quiet humming, the keys he’d had his fingers on now frosted over. He sighed and stood up from the bench. “Who is it?”

“It’s Tubbo,” Tommy heard from the other side of the door. “I brought you a slice of cake from the party today.”

Tommy walked up to his door and held his hand above the gold colored doorknob. He wanted nothing more than to throw the door open and accept his brother’s peace offering. Maybe he could let Tubbo into his room and they could share the slice. It would only be this once. Surely he could get away with it just once. He could be selfish. He had given everything up for the safety of his family and kingdom. Surely he deserved just one conversation with his brother, one unobstructed by the door that hid so many things. They could talk, it would only be a few minutes, but it would be so much more than Tommy had had with his brother in the past few years. Face to face it would be different from the cold remarks he forced himself to give Tubbo through that door.

_ But you can’t, Tommy. You’re a monster who can’t control yourself. You could hurt him. You could  _ kill _ him. If he found out about your powers he would hate you. More than he already does…  _

Tommy sighed and stepped back from the door, staring at the doorknob longingly.

“You don’t have to talk to me,” Tubbo said from outside. “But if you’d just open the door and take the-”

The door swung open. Tommy didn’t really know how. One moment he was standing a few feet away from the door and the next moment he had pulled it open. He wasn’t sure if he regretted it yet.

Tubbo stood in front of him, mouth open and eyes wide. He was dressed nicely, presumably from the party earlier, but his shirt had come untucked and his hair was slightly askew. The white piece of his hair shone brightly against the dark brown. Tommy stared back at him as if he couldn’t believe he was real. He hadn’t actually  _ seen _ Tubbo in a long time, much less this close up. Tommy could feel his breathing quicken and he snatched the slice of chocolate cake from Tubbo’s hands before shutting the door in his face, anything but quietly. He turned around and leaned his back against the door.

“Thanks…”

“Of course.”

Tommy let himself slide against the door until he sat on the ground. He took a bite of the cake. It was heavenly. Before he knew it the slice was gone. He set the plate and fork down next to him and considered getting up to play his piano once more.

“Tommy…?” Tommy jumped slightly. He didn’t think Tubbo had stayed this long, just sitting outside his door in silence. Tommy wondered if that was something he did often. “Tommy, why don’t you come out anymore?”

Tommy held his breath. He didn’t know how to respond. He knew the answer of course, but it wasn’t something he’d ever be able to say. 

_ Because you’ll hate me. Because I could hurt you. Because I’m dangerous, I’m broken, I’m a monster. _

“I can’t imagine you enjoy being in there,” Tubbo continued slowly, “all alone.”

_ You’re right, Tubbo. I hate it. I hate it so much. I’m so alone. I don’t want to be in here anymore. _

_ But I don’t have a choice. _

“I just don’t understand what I  _ did _ to you, Tommy.” Tubbo’s voice wavered and Tommy could hear his uneven breaths through the door. Tubbo was crying. “Whatever I did,” Tubbo inhaled sharply and his voice pitched up. “ _ I’m s-sorry _ .”

Tommy’s heart clenched. He wanted to speak. He ached to reassure his brother but his voice was gone. All the words he needed to say that repeated over and over in his head but wouldn’t come out.  _ It wasn’t you, Tubbo. It’s not your fault, I promise. Please don’t cry. _

“I promise I’m not mad at you, Tommy, I never have been. If you came out right now I’d be so happy I can’t even begin to describe it, just…  _ please _ ,” Tubbo tried again, but Tommy wouldn’t budge. He couldn’t, no matter how much it hurt or how much he ached to. 

Tommy noticed the few snowflakes swirling around his room. He knew it was because of Tubbo. He was letting his emotions get the best of him, they controlled his magic so much more than he ever did. He needed Tubbo to leave. He couldn’t stand to hear his brother break down outside his door any longer. Not when it was his fault that Tubbo was falling apart.

“Toby,” he choked out. He heard Tubbo freeze on the other side of the door, listening carefully. “You should go get some rest now,” Tommy said sadly. He didn’t want Tubbo to go, he never wanted Tubbo to go, but he understood that he couldn’t always have what he wanted. He heard Tubbo suck in a shaky breath and stand up.

“Yeah,” Tubbo breathed. “You’re right, I guess. But Tommy…” Tubbo paused as if he was considering his next words. “I- I love you. You know that, right?”

Tommy closed his eyes. “Goodnight, Toby.”

He heard a sigh. “Goodnight, Tommy” 

Tommy waited for Tubbo’s footsteps to fade into the long hallway. He stood up from the floor and changed his clothes into some simple pajamas and lied down in bed. He pulled the covers up over himself and held onto them tightly, even though he couldn’t feel the cold. He stared up at the ceiling above him and bit back the tears in his eyes.

_ Happy birthday, Tubbo. _

_ I love you too. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> I got the idea for the Frozen AU in the first place because of some fanart by @/satanic_redd on Instagram of Tubbo and Tommy in Elsa and Anna's clothes it was really cute :)  
> But anyways yeah  
> See you whenever the next part is completed.   
> President president.


	3. Why Did You Leave?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo!  
> Sorry this took so long I've been kinda busy.  
> So yeah, this chapter maybe gets a little sad. Only a little.  
> Enjoy! :)

“I  _ know _ it’s hot outside, Freddie,” Tubbo said as he brushed his moobloom. If he wanted he could have one of the castle servants groom Freddie, but Tubbo liked spending time with his friend. “I can’t very well bring you into the castle, can I?” Freddie huffed loudly. “You remember the  _ last _ time I tried that don’t you? Mum and Dad were so annoyed. The servants were cleaning hoof prints off the carpet for days. You even managed to get a hoof print on the L’Manberg flag hanging in the ballroom when I wasn’t looking! How did you even  _ do _ that?” Freddie stared back at him smugly. Tubbo shook his head. “You’re staying in the stables today, Freddie.” Tubbo could’ve sworn he saw the flower cow roll his eyes at him. He always thought that Freddie could understand human speech to a degree. Of course, that would be ridiculous, but the thought made him feel better since he had no one else to talk to.

He always had Wilbur and Niki, but they had been so busy recently. For the past few weeks they had been planning an important trip. They wouldn’t tell Tubbo where they were going, or why, only that it was very important. They would be leaving on one of L’Manberg’s biggest ships in two months. They planned for their trip to last around two weeks. That was two weeks that Tubbo would spend alone. Of course he had Freddie, and he could talk to one of the servants if they didn’t seem too busy, but it wasn’t the same. He didn’t really have any friends his age. The castle gates had been closed almost his entire life and he never got a chance to meet those that lived outside. He could hardly even remember a time when they were open, a time when Tommy was actually his brother.

He hadn’t really spoken to Tommy in a while. Tommy hadn’t spoken to him in longer. Tubbo used to talk to Tommy every day through his door. The first few years Tommy would even talk back, but as time passed Tommy responded less and less. Eventually Tubbo was just talking to Tommy’s door hoping that his brother was listening to him. On the very rare occasions where Tubbo would run into Tommy outside of his room they would just look down and avoid eye contact, saying nothing and passing by each other quickly. It hurt much more than Tubbo would ever admit.

Tubbo rubbed his moobloom affectionately and put away the brushes he’d been using. “Alright, Freddie, I’m heading inside. I’ll bring you out to the courtyard tomorrow, okay? And then you can see Spins!” Tubbo loved his cow and his bee. They were the best of friends and Tubbo always thought they were the cutest thing he ever saw. Freddie huffed and Tubbo took that as a goodbye. He made his way from the stables back to the main part of the castle. 

Tubbo decided that he would go play the grand piano in the ballroom. Music was one of the things that he and his father bonded over and playing the piano always reminded Tubbo of him. He entered through the large ballroom doors and saw the pretty white grand piano nestled in the corner, ready to be played. Tubbo sat down and lifted the keylid. He ran his fingers over the keys, playing a simple major scale. He thought for a moment before playing the opening chords to one of his father’s songs. With closed eyes, letting the muscle memory guide his fingers over the keys, he began to sing.

_ Be the hero of your story if you can _

_ Be the champion in the fight, not just the man _

_ On a wing or on a prayer you get there only with your voice _

_ With a story in your heart you won’t need any other choice _

_ You’re a hero, fighting dragons, winning wars _

_ Be the hero _

_ And the world will soon be yours _

Tubbo yawned and realized that the sun was no longer shining through the ballroom’s high windows. He could see stars peeking through and decided that it was probably time to head to bed. He slid the key cover back over the keys and stood up from the cushioned piano bench. He made his way through the long hallway and paused outside Tommy’s door. He hadn’t really meant to, it was just what he was used to doing. It would feel weird if he hadn’t stopped. He placed the palm of his hand on the door and looked at it contemplatively.

Tubbo hadn’t spoken much to Tommy in the past couple weeks. There didn’t seem to be much of a point anymore. He was always ignored. He still told Tommy goodnight each night but he hadn’t gotten a response in some time. He wondered if it was worth it to speak to Tommy. He obviously didn’t care about him anymore, if he ever did. Was it really worth it to say something to him, all the while knowing that he wouldn’t get a response? Maybe it would be easier to stay away, like Tommy had been asking him all these years. Maybe trying not to care would keep him from being hurt. It wasn’t like Tubbo was in the wrong, Tommy had been ignoring him for nearly ten years now. He had the right to feel hurt, even if he still blamed himself from time to time.

Tubbo closed his eyes and laid his forehead against the door. He inhaled and exhaled slowly and let his hand fall from the door, taking a step back before retiring to his own room for some much needed rest. Something strange stuck in his mind though. The door was inexplicably ice cold.

***

“You  _ can’t _ leave,” Tommy said, leaning back against his windowsill. “I need you here!”

“It will be okay,” Niki said. “I promise, everything will be okay. I’m sorry we waited so long to tell you.” Wilbur and Niki stood before Tommy in his room, attempting to reassure him that things would be okay. Tommy didn’t believe them for a second.

“I’m afraid!” Tommy said. “What if something happens while you’re gone? My magic has gotten so strong recently,” he said, gesturing to the snowflakes floating around the room. “What if someone finds out? You both are all I have.” Tommy looked down, fumbling his gloved fingers together. Niki reached out to put a hand on Tommy’s shoulder. He tensed up and leaned back further against the window. “No, don’t!” His mother looked shocked and hurt, and Tommy felt awful. “I’m sorry, Mum, I just…I don’t want to hurt you.” Tommy tried to loosen his stance a little. Wilbur and Niki looked at each other with concerned faces. Tommy had been very distant recently. He could feel his magic swirling inside of him and it was terrifying. It had grown so much more powerful in the past few months. He felt like with even the slightest wrong move he could hurt one of them like he did to Tubbo so many years ago. His solution was to keep his distance as well as he could.

“Tommy,” Wilbur said. “We love you so much. You’re one of the strongest people I know for having to battle this all these years. I promise you, nothing will happen to you.” Tommy felt uneasy. He couldn’t imagine having to be on his own without the two of them. They had been the only people he could talk to for the past almost ten years. He would not only be even more horrifically lonely, but if the worst happened, if someone found out about his ability — if someone found out he was a  _ monster _ … 

“Whatever happens, Tommy,” Wilbur looked at him straight in the eyes, “we will get through it together. We will always be here for you.” Wilbur took both of Tommy’s hands in his. “Nothing will ever change that.”

Tommy let his parents both hug him before heading off to bed. He didn’t get hugs often, didn’t usually let them hug him, but he’d needed it badly tonight so he’d allowed it. Now he was lying on his bed, looking up at the tall ceiling. He could hear something faintly, piano music from somewhere else in the castle. He listened closer and realized that he could hear singing as well. Tubbo’s singing. 

Tommy had long given up wishing he could go out and be with Tubbo. It was the most painful part of being locked away and he realized the less he acknowledged it, the less it hurt. So he’d stopped responding to Tubbo when he talked to him, and Tubbo had started talking to him less. It stung, of course, but Tommy was somewhat numb to the pain in the same way he was numb to the cold. It was easier that way.

The singing had stopped and he realized Tubbo must’ve gone to bed. As Tommy rolled over and closed his eyes he noticed something and then immediately wished he hadn’t.

Tubbo hadn’t come to tell him goodnight.

***

The castle was very quiet without Wilbur and Niki. It was quiet to begin with, but without the two people Tubbo talked to it was even more striking. They had been gone for a little over a week now on their trip. Tubbo missed them and was happy that their trip was more than half over by now. They were scheduled to return in four days. Tubbo carried a small lantern through the long hallway to the royal advisor’s office. It was getting late and he doubted that the advisor would be there at this hour, but he had been told a few minutes before by one of the servants that there was an urgent letter for him and Tommy on the advisor’s desk. Tubbo wondered why someone had written to him and Tommy since no one ever wrote to either of them. It was always their parents that received letters from people outside the castle.

Tubbo pushed open the creaky door slowly to find Tommy already in the office. He shouldn’t have been surprised, he was told that the letter was addressed to the both of them, but seeing Tommy outside his room was not a common occurrence. Seeing him now gave Tubbo a weird feeling in his stomach that he didn’t mention. He tried to ignore the awkward tension between the two of them.

“Hey,” Tommy’s voice was scratchy. Tubbo assumed he hadn’t spoken much at all recently. Tommy cleared his throat before speaking again and gestured to an ivory colored envelope laying on the desk in front of them. “I haven’t opened it yet. I was waiting for you.”

There were two chairs in front of the advisor’s desk. Tubbo sat in the one on the left and set his lantern on the table. After a moment Tommy followed suit and sat to Tubbo’s right. Tubbo took the letter from the desk and gently tore open the envelope. It had their names  _ Princes Thomas and Toby Soot _ written in careful cursive handwriting on the outside. Tubbo pulled the letter out of the envelope and held it so that Tommy would be able to read it next to him. They sat in silence as they read the letter, or rather, as Tommy read the letter. Tubbo concentrated hard on the words on the page, but the letters seemed jumbly and wouldn’t stay still.

“…Tommy?” Tubbo said slowly. “Would you — you mind, like, reading it out loud to me?” Tommy looked at Tubbo questioningly for a moment. Tubbo didn’t like asking, but he knew his dyslexia would make him take much longer reading the letter than Tommy. Tommy nodded finally and Tubbo handed him the letter to read aloud.

_ Princes Thomas and Toby Soot of L’Manberg, _

_ Two nights before last, a brutal storm passed through the North Sea. The L’Manberg ship, the Europe, was among the ships that did not return to port that night. It is believed that _ _ — _

Tommy fell silent for a moment. Tubbo eyed him, confused. He couldn’t read Tommy’s expression. Disbelief? Fear? Almost a sort of betrayal?

_ It is believed that the ship went down that night due to the harsh storm conditions. Two search parties have returned to port with no findings. Wilbur and Niki Soot _ _ — _

Tommy’s voice cracked and he stopped reading. He scanned the rest of the page before he closed his eyes tightly and took in a shaky breath, tears streaming silently down his face. Tubbo looked up at him, eyebrows set worriedly. He reached out a hand to his brother. “Tommy — ” 

Tommy kept his eyes shut and shook his head quickly. He stood up from his chair and wordlessly left the room, leaving the letter on the desk in front of Tubbo. Tubbo heard the door shut behind him and knew he was alone.

Tubbo looked at the letter in front of him apprehensively. He took in a breath, then reached out to take it into his hands and read it slowly to himself. 

_ It is believed that the ship went down that night due to the harsh storm conditions. Wilbur and Niki Soot of L’Manberg, as well as their servants and crew, have been pronounced dead.  _

Tubbo stared at the last few words of the letter. He read them over and over again. His hand went to cover his mouth and he held the letter away from himself. Surely his dyslexia was fooling him. Those words can’t say what he thinks they are saying. It’s impossible. His mother and father would be back. They were coming back in four days. They were coming back and Tubbo would meet them at the castle gates to ask about their travels. He would hug them long and tight and be glad that they were finally home. He’d tell them how quiet the castle had been without their presence, without his father’s music filling the otherwise silent corridors. He’d tell them that he missed them and that he was lonely without them. Yes, that is what would happen when they came back. 

_ But they’re not coming back. _

Tubbo bit down hard on his finger. Tears clouded his vision and he couldn’t see clearly. Not that he cared or wanted to anymore. Not when he knew that the two people he had been closest to would never be coming home. He’d never hear his father’s calming music or his mother’s stories from her native kingdom or their voices or laughter or anything that has to do with them ever again.

Tubbo’s teary red eyes found themselves fixed on the flame from the candle in his lantern. Without much thought he held the letter over the flames, letting them lick the edge of the paper. The letter caught fire in Tubbo’s shaking hands, the cream colored paper becoming a shriveling dark grey. The flames traveled up the paper, over the words that Tommy had read aloud moments before. Tubbo watched the careful lettering that bore the news of his parents death as it was eaten by the flames, as if the fire could undo the words’ proclamation. 

The flames were near the top of the page now, burning Tubbo’s hands slightly, but he couldn’t feel it. His eyes were fixed on the fire in front of him, his mind elsewhere as his body was numb. He watched as the last of the paper was reduced to dark ashes that littered the desk and floor. He wiped his slightly burned and ash stained fingers on his pants. A sob escaped his lips and he ran out of the room.

***

Tommy ran through the corridor and shut his bedroom door quickly. He looked out at the sky through his bay window. The moon was relatively high in the sky. Tommy guessed that it was nearly midnight. He sat in the window seat and traced the outline of the windowpane with his fingers.

The words from the letter echoed in his head. His mother and father were gone. They had left and they weren’t coming back. They wouldn’t be there to help him anymore. There was no one else in the world that he could trust as completely as he trusted them. They had always been there, the only positive thing for Tommy in the last ten years was them. They made the loneliness bearable and tried to help him no matter what. 

_ Now they’re gone. They’re gone and I’ll always be alone. _

Part of Tommy thought that he deserved this pain. This grief that felt like it was eating him alive. Like part of him died on that ship with his parents, now lost to the seas. Maybe he deserved this. Maybe this was bad karma for shutting out Toby all these years. For lying to anyone and everyone that ever tried to talk to him. For being a burden that his mother and father hadn’t deserved to have to deal with, that they hadn’t asked for.  _ That they probably never wanted. _

“Why did you leave me?” Tommy knew no one was there to listen to him, let alone answer, but he had taken to talking to the moon when his loneliness became unbearable. The words his father had said to him weeks ago, now in the forefront of his mind.

_ Whatever happens, Tommy, we will get through it together. We will always be here for you. Nothing will ever change that. _

“You promised we’d get through this together,” Tommy’s voice broke. “You  _ promised _ .” The lines he traced on the window glistened with frost from his grief stricken touch. He pulled his hand back and worried at the fingers of his gloves. He bent his head down, tears dripping into his lap.

_ Of course I’d be fucking freezing shit now. Worthless. Failure. Monster. _

“I can’t control the curse,” he said. “I don’t know  _ how _ .” Tommy stifled a sob and sucked in a breath. “ _ I’m sorry _ .” He buried his face in his hands and leaned against the side of the window. He felt the surface behind him become slick with ice, growing up the wall and the windowpane. The ledge he was sitting on now coated in a layer of frost as well. Snowflakes stirred through the air.

He could feel the ice and snow and frost around him. He knew any normal person, anyone who wasn’t broken or cursed, would be in pain at the prolonged contact with the cold ice. Tommy had never been able to truly feel the cold, not in the normal way. In this moment he wished he could.

He leaned his head back and hugged his knees to his chest. His eyes were red and puffy, tears still flowing. He clenched his teeth together and sucked in an uneven breath.

“I c - can’t do this alone,” Tommy cried harder. “ _ I can’t do this without you. _ ”

The moon had no response for him.

***

The funeral was five days later. 

The gravestones were perched on the highest cliff over L’Manberg. It was cold and cloudy for it being the beginning of springtime. Tubbo wore all black. His shirt was a little itchy. He didn’t really care. He wanted the day to be over with. He wanted to go back to his room and stay in his bed like the past few days. He wasn’t any happier there but at least he didn’t have to face the kingdom when he was in his room.

Tubbo had always wanted to meet the citizens of L’Manberg. He had imagined it would be a happier occasion. He didn’t know anyone outside of the castle staff. People came to offer their condolences with hushed voices and sorry eyes. Tubbo hardly heard the words they said.

Some of them asked where Tommy was. Tubbo brushed off their questions. He didn’t understand why Tommy hadn’t come either. Even after all these years, Tubbo wished that Tommy was here at his side to make this a little more bearable.

The funeral itself was long and boring. It didn’t feel like a celebration of Tubbo’s parents’ lives. Not that Tubbo was in much of a mood for celebration. 

Nothing felt real. There wasn’t an ounce of Wilbur or Niki’s presence on the mountainside on which Tubbo stood. Wilbur and Niki were happy. They were kind and caring rulers. This funeral didn’t feel like enough to honor them. This place didn’t feel right, though, Tubbo thought, nothing would probably ever feel right anymore.

Tubbo kept his mouth closed in a tight line. He was asked to say a few words but politely declined. He knew he’d choke and cry if he tried.

After the service Tubbo waited until most of the people had left or moved away from the graves. He stood in front of the two large stones with his parents’ names on them. He frowned. His parents weren’t even here, buried. They were somewhere under the unforgiving waves of the North Sea. The thought made him feel lonely and shiver.

He held two yellow chrysanthemums that he had brought from the courtyard and laid them on each of the empty graves. They had been Niki’s favorite flowers. He felt tears coming and bit down hard on his tongue to will them away. He felt like he should say something, but any words he thought to say were caught in his throat. 

_ I’m not ready to say goodbye. _

When Tubbo’s carriage brought him back to the castle, he walked by the stables on the way inside. Freddie looked at him with sad eyes, almost as if he could understand what had happened. Like he could understand Tubbo’s sadness. But that would be ridiculous, impossible. Tubbo looked down as he passed and entered the castle.

The castle seemed much darker now. Pictures of the king and queen, now covered over with black curtains. Tubbo thought that was simply cruel and unnecessary. He didn’t need the reminder of what he had lost.

He looked down at the floor as he made his way through the corridors. He paused outside Tommy’s room, a habit he almost wished he could break. They hadn’t spoken since five days ago. Since they opened that letter. Tubbo felt his eyes start to water at the memory.

He sat down outside Tommy’s room, leaning his back against the door. Tommy, the only family Tubbo had left. The only person in the entirety of L’Manberg that he loved. The only person who hadn’t come to the funeral. 

Tubbo wished his father was here, playing his guitar. He wished his mother was here singing and laughing along with him as Wilbur made up funny songs with no real thought to it. Now he couldn’t even look at the piano in the ballroom. Music was a part of them, and now they were gone. His parents’ things had been moved out of their room at this point. The castle looked nearly uninhabited other than Tommy and Tubbo.

“Tommy?” Tubbo didn’t know what he was going to say. He more than anything just wanted to know that Tommy was in there, that he still had Tommy, even if he never saw him outside his room. He just wanted a response. He just wanted to not be so  _ alone _ anymore. “T — Tommy, please, I— ” Tubbo trailed off for a moment. “I need you, Tommy, I — I please let me in.”

There was no response.

Tubbo blinked and felt tears run down his face. He squeezed his eyes shut and inhaled slowly.

_ Tommy, please. You’re all I have left. I can’t do this alone.  _

Tubbo was alone. He was completely alone in the castle. His brother wouldn’t so much as speak a word to him. His parents were gone. He had no one.

“ _ Be the hero of your story if you can _ ,” Tubbo sang softly and slowly. His voice was shaky and sounded almost strangled. 

“ _ Be the champion in the fight, not just the man. _ ” Tubbo’s eyes shot open and he jumped at the singing that came from the other side of the door. Tommy’s voice was shaky. Tubbo could tell he’d been crying.

“ _ On a wing or on a prayer you get there only with your voice _ ,” Tubbo continued shakily, but now with a new urgency. Tommy was here, and he was listening and speaking. Tubbo didn’t want to let that go.

“ _ With a story in your heart you won’t need any other choice _ .” Tommy continued next.

“ _ You’re a hero, fighting dragons, winning wars _ ,” Tubbo sang as he turned to face the door, now sitting on his knees. He placed a hand on the wood, it was — cold? “ _ Be the hero _ _ — _ ”

Tubbo waited for Tommy to finish the song but was only met with silence. Why wasn’t he finishing the song?

_ Tommy please don’t go back into silence. Please talk to me I _ _ — _

A sound broke Tubbo out of his slight panic. He heard something on the other side of the door. Crying. Sobbing.  _ Tommy _ .

Tubbo wished he could open the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter was somewhat worth the wait.  
> I wrote and posted a oneshot the other day and I'm thinking I want to write more of those, so updates on this may be a little slower.
> 
> And if you're sad after this chapter just remember Eret wore his strawberry dress on stream last night.
> 
> Anyways, yeah, love y'all.  
> President president.


	4. Coronation Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyy  
> Sorry this took so damn long  
> I've been busy and then writers block and then i wrote a 5.8k karlnap oneshot lmao  
> But excuses suck so i'll try to update more regularly  
> Anyways yes enjoy chapter :)

“Tubbo, wake up. I promise you, today is not one you want to oversleep.”

Tubbo was brought out of sleep by someone with a deep voice shaking his shoulder. He heard his curtains  _ swish _ as they were pulled open. He squinted his eyes with a groan at the light that was now streaming into his bedroom.

“Tubbo, come on. It’s coronation day!” Another higher voice said.

Tubbo stretched his limbs out groggily, taking a few moments to process what was being said. “Coronation day…?” Tubbo asked, and then it hit him. “Holy shit! It’s coronation day!” Tubbo shot up into a sitting position and his forehead connected with something hard in front of him.

“Fuck. Ow…” Tubbo winced and rubbed his forehead. He looked at the man above him apologetically. “Sorry, Eret.”

“It’s alright, Tubbo,” Eret said with a grimace, a hand on his forehead and taking a few steps back from the bed to allow Tubbo to get up.“Fundy is over there with a few different suits for you to choose from for the ceremony today.” Tubbo sat up on the edge of his bed as Eret pointed behind him to Fundy who was setting out a few different clothing items on his dresser.

“Who says I have to wear a suit?” Tubbo raised his eyebrows. “Maybe I wanted to wear a dress. It’s summer and trousers can get quite warm.”

Eret laughed. “You know that I’m the first person to be onboard with breaking social norms, Tubbo. If you really wanted to wear a dress you know that I wouldn’t stop you.”

Tubbo laughed with him. “Maybe it isn’t the  _ best _ idea. This is the first  _ real _ time I’ll be meeting most of the kingdom. I’ll have enough eyes on me as it is. Maybe I’ll wear one for the next ball.” Tubbo saw Eret shrug as he made his way over to Fundy on the other side of the room. Fundy had laid out three different suits of various color schemes. 

After Tubbo spent much longer than he probably should have trying on, taking off and re-trying on each of the suits, he decided on a green suit jacket over a black shirt and some lighter green pants. The jacket had lots of elegant floral detailing in purple and gold and Fundy seemed excited when he decided to wear it, though, Tubbo supposed, he could have also just been happy that Tubbo had finally made a decision. 

Tubbo stepped over to the vanity mirror to comb through his hair while Eret and Fundy took care of the suits Tubbo hadn’t chosen. He took the white piece of hair between his fingers. His hair had gotten quite long recently, but he kind of liked it.

“You know,” Fundy said from behind him. Tubbo looked at Fundy through his reflection in the mirror. “I don’t think you’ve ever told me how your hair ended up like that.”

Tubbo turned around to face Fundy and leaned back onto the vanity. “I was born with it, or at least that’s what my father told me.”

“Well, it’s pretty cool,” Fundy said, running his fingers through his fluffy hair. Tubbo smiled. “My hair is kind of like that too. It’s just a bit less noticeable.” He went back to helping Eret with the extra suits.

Fundy and Eret were technically servants, but Tubbo never treated them as such. They had been working at the castle for nearly four months now. They were hired shortly after the deaths of the king and queen. The coronation had required a lot of preparation. The castle staff had been so limited that they had needed to send for more people to set up the ceremony. 

Fundy had lived in L’Manberg his whole life and took the job because he wanted to see the castle. Eret was from another kingdom, but had moved to L’Manberg in search of work. They were both a few years older than Tubbo, but the three of them had been good friends since Fundy and Eret’s first week in the castle.

When Fundy and Eret weren’t too busy Tubbo would show them the secrets of the castle. They frequently climbed up to the roof to talk and look out at L’Manberg. Fundy pointed out shops that he would visit and told Tubbo about each of them, Tubbo hanging on to every word he said. Tubbo showed them his moobloom and the bees in the courtyard. He showed them the passageways and secrets of the castle because he finally had people to show them to. Tubbo was so grateful to have the two of them. He had been so alone for so long, but Fundy and Eret were like his brothers now.

“Come on, you guys,” Eret said, pushing open Tubbo’s door. “Let’s go grab some breakfast. It’s going to be a big day.”

Fundy and Tubbo moved to walk alongside Eret and the three of them made their way to the dining hall for breakfast. The castle already looked more lively than it had in years and the guests hadn’t even arrived yet. The rooms all just seemed brighter. Maybe it was the fact that Tubbo had someone to share them with.

Tubbo slowed down momentarily to glance at a particular door. Tommy’s room. Fundy and Eret didn’t ask about Tommy and Tubbo was grateful for that. He didn’t want to have to explain Tommy. He couldn’t explain Tommy. He was just as shut out as any of the servants were, possibly even more so.

Tubbo hadn’t seen Tommy outside of his room since their parents’ deaths. They hadn’t spoken since then either, though, Tubbo hadn’t particularly tried to talk to Tommy. At first he had been overly grief stricken, not leaving his bed most days. Then he was occupied with his new friends. He tried not to feel too guilty for ignoring Tommy. Afterall, Tommy never felt guilty for ignoring him.

Tubbo walked faster to catch up with his friends.

***

Tommy pulled at the fingers of his gloves. He paced around the dark castle library worriedly, staring down at the deep burgundy carpet, having been told to wait there before the ceremony. 

Today was his coronation. In a few hours he would be King of L’Manberg and he couldn’t be more terrified. Tommy didn’t know the first thing about being a king. His father hadn’t exactly taught him much since Tommy had been confined to his room for ten years. He didn’t so much as know the names of the leaders of the neighboring kingdoms, many of which he’d be meeting tonight. Not only citizens of L’Manberg, but royalty from important ally nations would be watching him today. The thought filled him with anxiety and dread and he was slightly relieved he hadn’t eaten breakfast that morning, as he would have probably been sick by now.

Tommy unconsciously smoothed out the regal suit he was wearing. It was a dark teal color with gold and purple detailing. Topping it all off was a long dark purple cape that brushed the floor as he paced. Even with the fear for the day that he tried to contain, he had to admit that the cape made him feel quite badass.

He looked out the window and saw numerous ships docking in the L’Manberg harbor. Crowds of people bustled through the streets, excitement for the day’s festivities evident on their faces. Tommy did not share their excitement. He couldn’t, not when he could very easily ruin everything today. If his powers got the best of him, if he accidentally showed someone, if the kingdom found out…

Tommy pushed away the thought and stepped away from the window.

A large painting of Tommy’s father on his own coronation day hung on the wall. The intricate frame had a golden name plate engraved with  _ Wilbur Soot _ at the bottom. Wilbur stood straight faced and emotionless, a crown pushing down his fluffy curls. He held a golden orb and scepter, as Tommy would be expected to do today. 

Tommy found a round ornament and a candlestick on a shelf nearby. He stood and faced the painting of his father, holding the ornament and candlestick as if it were the orb and scepter. Tommy tilted his chin up and pushed his shoulders back. He stared ahead stonily, mimicking his father’s image. 

If he could just get through the ceremony, everything would be okay. He could worry about the party later, but right now he just needed to focus on the ceremony. Tommy hoped he’d be able to keep his powers at bay for that long. He wasn’t sure what he believed in terms of an afterlife, but he hoped his mother and father wouldn’t look down on him today in disappointment.

Tommy felt the candlestick and ornament grow colder in his grasp at the thought of his parents. Frost glazed the mock orb and scepter around where Tommy held them in his gloved hands. He glared at them and threw them down on the wooden shelf he’d gotten them from. Tommy prayed to whatever god would listen that he made it through today.

“Prince Thomas? Your carriage is ready,” a voice said from behind Tommy. Tommy whipped his head around at the voice and saw one of the royal advisors. He shifted to the side so that he stood in front of the frost covered items, hoping the man wouldn’t be able to see the ice from the distance he stood. “The ceremony will begin soon. We must head to the chapel.” The advisor finished politely.

“Thank you,” Tommy said, nodding his head formally. He tried to give a polite smile. “I’ll be out in a moment.”

The advisor bowed and stepped out of the room, leaving Tommy alone once more. Tommy took a big breath in and out and straightened his posture before walking to his carriage at the castle gates.

***

“The gates are open!” Tubbo bounded through the large wooden doors as they were pulled open by servants on either side. He rushed over the large stone pathway that connected the castle to the rest of L’Manberg, looking at all the people he passed by as they entered the castle. His eyes were wide and he spun around in awe. 

There were people all around, many getting ready for the party that night. It was unreal, looking at everything up close. He had seen parts of the kingdom before, but only through his window or from the roof. Now, Tubbo felt like he was a part of something, like he had a place he belonged, and it was outside the castle. 

He stifled a squeal of excitement. Tubbo looked through the shop windows at anything and everything L’Manberg had to offer. He recognized most of the shops from Fundy’s descriptions of them from late nights on the castle roof. There was everything from dresses to cakes to books. He even saw a very cool looking shop with swords and armor in the window. 

Tubbo could hear music playing in the streets. Two men played a jaunty tune on a trumpet and a trombone. Tubbo moved to join the small crowd that had gathered to listen when he smelled … cinnamon? Tubbo turned around and saw a cute little bakery. He smiled and ran forward, chasing the smell, before he rammed into —

“Eret!” Tubbo backed up. “Sorry, I should watch where I’m going. I was distracted by the bakery.” Tubbo saw that Fundy was a few paces behind Eret, snickering quietly, probably at Tubbo’s clumsiness. The two of them had traded their servant uniforms for formal clothing, fit for the day’s occasion. “What are you guys up to? Are you both done setting up for today?”

“I would  _ hope _ we’re done at this point,” Eret laughed. “The party is today!”

“Let’s go inside,” Fundy pointed at the bakery. “This place has the most  _ amazing _ pumpkin muffins. You  _ have _ to try them.”

After leaving the bakery, the three of them went to the docks to eat and look at the water. Tubbo removed his suit jacket and placed it next to him to bask in the summer sun. He couldn’t believe it. The gates were wide open, and he was outside. After all those years he spent alone, looking out his window, he was finally here. He looked down at his reflection in the water and smiled. He would never be lonely again… right?

“I’ll still see you guys after today, right?” Tubbo asked. “I know that we only had an expanded staff to set up the coronation, but I’ll still be able to see you, right?”

“Yeah, sure,” Fundy said around a mouthful of pumpkin muffin. “I mean, we won’t be working in the castle anymore, but as long as the gates are open we can visit whenever we want.”

“The gates  _ are _ staying open,” Eret looked at Tubbo questioningly, “right?” Tubbo stuttered for a moment. The thought that Tommy might decide to close the gates once more had never crossed his mind. One of the biggest reasons Tubbo was so excited for his brother’s coronation was because Tommy would have the power to keep the gates open, but was that even something Tommy had planned, or would he force the two of them back into solitude?

“I could ask Tommy,” Tubbo said, eyebrows furrowed. He was trying to convince himself just as much as he was the others. “I’m sure he’d open the gates if I asked. I can’t live alone in that castle anymore.” Fundy and Eret both nodded in response. 

Tubbo finished the last few bites of his pumpkin muffin. Fundy hadn’t lied —the muffins were incredible. Tubbo breathed in the fresh air. He relished in the sights and sounds of L’Manberg. Everything was so much more beautiful when Tubbo could actually be a part of it. The water was shining with the reflection of the sun. He could hear music playing, church bells ringing.

_ Wait- church bells ringing? _

“The coronation!” Tubbo jumped up from his seat on the edge of the dock. “Tommy’s coronation, we have to get to the chapel!”

Tubbo, Fundy, and Eret all hastily gathered their things and hurried their way to the ceremony.

***

Tommy stood in the front of the chapel. The first thing he noticed was Tubbo. He was sitting in the front row with the two servants that he had befriended. They were laughing and joking with one another. Tubbo was smiling brightly, so obviously excited about the festivities and the people. Tommy resented the fact that it wasn’t him laughing with his brother. He didn’t get to laugh and be excited, especially not with Tubbo. 

Why was it so  _ hard _ ? Tommy had done this for  _ years _ . He should be able to turn off his emotions in an instant, but he couldn’t, not when he was forced to watch other people be with his brother. They got to have something he’d never be able to have. It wasn’t fair. Those servants were allowed to talk to Tubbo. They were allowed to laugh with him and go outside with him and do everything that Tommy wished he could’ve done with him for the past ten years. 

But what does ‘allowed’ even mean? Tommy was plenty  _ allowed _ to do anything he wanted. No one was forcing him to stay in his bedroom. No one was here to stop him from going to Tubbo and hugging him and apologizing for the past ten years of their lives. No one was even telling him not to. 

Tommy was to be king. He could make his own decisions. He could open the gates if he wanted. He could open every door and every window in the castle. The rules set forth by his father and mother are changeable. He could change everything. 

_ Well…not everything. _

The only thing he couldn’t change was the reason for those rules in the first place. Tommy wasn’t changeable, he wasn’t fixable. 

He knew he couldn’t do all those things with Tubbo. He knew that he couldn’t keep the gates open, and he knew the reason why. Tommy was dangerous. He was powerful, but didn’t have any way to control his power. He could hurt someone. He could hurt Tubbo again. He would never let himself hurt Tubbo again. There was no way he’d ever keep the gates open if it meant he might lose Tubbo. He was a danger to the kingdom. He would be a selfish king if he put his own desires above the safety of his people.

Tommy wished that Tubbo knew how he felt, how he had always felt, how much he had given up. He wished Tubbo knew the real reasons why Tommy kept himself hidden away, and how much it hurt him to send Tubbo away until Tubbo had stopped coming at all. It hurt the most when Tubbo had stopped talking to him. 

Perhaps Tommy deserved it after everything he did. He absolutely loathed himself for not being there for Tubbo all these years, and especially after their parents’ deaths. He wanted Tubbo to know that the Tommy he had lost ten years ago was still here, that he had never left. He wanted to tell Tubbo that he was sorry. He wanted to tell Tubbo that he loved him and that he was sorry for causing him to think any differently. 

But he couldn’t do any of those things. 

The bishop entered the room wearing deep scarlet robes. The guests fell silent and the choir in the balcony ended their song. Tommy could feel the gazes of hundreds of people all on him. He straightened his back and posed his face in a decidedly neutral position, his lips a thin line. If he could just get through this day everything would be alright.

Tommy turned to face the bishop, his back now turned to the audience. There was a table in front of him covered with a red and gold table cloth. On top of the table sat the same crown, orb, and scepter that Tommy had seen on Wilbur in the library painting. 

The bishop turned and took the crown from the table. Tommy closed his eyes and bowed his head to the bishop who placed the heavy crown on Tommy’s white blond hair. Tommy straightened back up and fixed his eyes straight ahead. The bishop now held a small blue pillow. Placed upon it were the orb and scepter. Tommy reached out to hold them when he heard the bishop clear his throat. Tommy looked up at him.

“Your Majesty,” he whispered. “The gloves.”

_ Of course _ .

Tommy’s breathing quickened but he tried to not make it noticeable to the bishop, or the audience of people behind him.

The gloves. Tommy  _ needed _ the gloves. His father told him they would help him control his powers. He very rarely took them off. Now, he would have to.

Tommy took a deep breath. His hands were shaking as he slowly pulled at the fingers of his gloves. Left glove. Right glove. He placed them on the pillow next to the orb and scepter, revealing his bare hands, nails bitten down out of anxiety from the past days, months,  _ years _ .

Tommy reached out with a slow inhale and took each of the two holy items in his wavering hands. He turned to face the audience, careful of his every move. He clenched his teeth together and stood rigid. He saw the faces of all his citizens, hoping for a new chapter in L’Manberg’s ruling, hoping Tommy would be everything his father had once been.

_ I’ll never be able to be who you want me to be. _

Tommy wasn’t Wilbur. He’d never be able to be what his subjects expect of him. He couldn’t be the kind of person his father was. Tommy wished that he could, but that would require opening up. The only way he could keep L’Manberg, and Tubbo, safe from himself was to keep up his cold exterior. He hoped that he wouldn’t be too much of a disappointment.

Tommy felt his hands grow colder.

_ No, no, no, shit, shit, please not now… _

Frost glazed the orb and scepter where Tommy held them, turning the polished gold to a glistening white. Tommy knew that his eyes were tinged with panic and hoped that no one was close enough to notice. He couldn’t hold back much longer. 

_ Talk faster. Talk faster. Talk faster. _

The bishop, thankfully, was nearing the end of the coronation speech. “As he holds the holy properties and is crowned in this holy place, I present to you… King Thomas Soot of L’Manberg.”

Tommy threw the holy items back onto the bishop’s pillow with a heavy exhale as he watched the ice recede. No one had noticed. He was safe. He had done it. He quickly pulled his gloves back on and faced his citizens as they stood and repeated, “King Thomas Soot of L’Manberg!”

Tommy saw Tubbo smile and wave at him. Tommy let himself breathe once again and gave a small nod and smile in return. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PogChamp  
> As always thanks for reading :))  
> I asked Juck if she wanted me to say anything for her  
> She says she is gay  
> (also she wrote dreamnap angst the other day maybe check it out,,,,)  
> Okay bye ily  
> President president


	5. Gloves

“King Thomas Soot of L’Manberg!”

Tommy entered the ballroom, his long cape trailing behind him. He held his head high, worried that if he reverted to his usual not-so-great posture his crown may slip off. 

The room was filled with people, more people in one place than he’d ever seen in his life. There was music. A small band played joyously in the corner. The smell of various sweets and baked goods wafted from the nearby dessert table and Tommy made a mental note to fill up a plate there later if he got the chance. 

He could practically feel the enthusiasm radiating from the crowd. Men spun women in colorful dresses around the dance floor. Everyone he saw was smiling. It was almost strange. Tommy was absolutely terrified, but even more than that he was excited to not be alone —just for the night.

“Prince Toby Soot of L’Manberg!” 

Tommy watched as Tubbo entered from a door on the opposite side of the ballroom. He looked around seeming slightly confused before giving a nervous yet animated wave to the crowd. The royal advisor, now Tommy’s advisor he realized, directed a confused Tubbo to the front of the room to stand at Tommy’s side. 

Tubbo visibly tensed when placed next to Tommy. It made his heart clench to see that his brother was uncomfortable near him, but what did he expect after the way he had treated him all these years? Tommy looked forward into the crowd. He could feel Tubbo’s eyes on him. He looked at Tubbo who glanced away immediately. 

Tommy was hit with the realization that he hadn't truly  _ seen _ Tubbo in quite a while. Of course he'd seen him at the ceremony today but he hadn't had the chance to  _ really _ look at him. Certainly not up close. 

He looked different than Tommy remembered. Older, obviously, but there was something else. He looked more like their father. His hair was taking on the same half-fluffy and half-curly texture that Wilbur's had once had. His eyes were full of what could only be described as a chaotic intelligence, which Tommy thought suited Tubbo. He hadn't received the tall gene from his father like Tommy had and was nearly a head shorter than him. Tommy found it a little funny.

Tommy had missed so much. He hoped that it wasn't too late for him to make up for some of it, or at least try to.

“Hey,” Tommy said hesitantly. Tubbo looked at him, not bothering to hide the surprise on his face. Tommy gave him a small smile, like a peace offering.

“Hey,” Tubbo said. He had a hopeful look in his eyes as he returned Tommy’s smile. He seemed breathless, almost relieved. Tommy felt the same way. Like he had been trapped underwater but now, finally talking to Tubbo, he could breathe again. 

They looked at each other for a moment, not knowing what to say, before it became slightly awkward and they both looked away. Tommy didn’t know where to start. He had a million things he wanted to say to Tubbo but none of them translated from his thoughts into speech.

“I like your cape,” Tubbo said.

“Yeah?” Tommy asked, holding out one side of the cape. “Pretty badass, innit?” 

Tubbo laughed at him. “ _ Innit _ ?” He mocked with a smirk. Tommy rolled his eyes and crossed his arms playfully causing them both to go into a fit of laughter. This was what Tommy was missing all these years. This was what having a brother was like. Messing with each other when they were supposed to appear composed and formal. 

It felt so  _ nice _ .

“Excuse me, Your Majesties,” a man with sideburns emerged from the crowd. He approached Tommy and bowed. A dark haired man followed him and bowed as well. “I am Schlatt and this is my advisor Alex.” 

Tommy recognized the name Schlatt. He was the president of a neighboring country that he didn’t remember the name of. Schlatt had been a friend of his father’s long ago, but that was all he could remember. “I was hoping that sometime soon we would be able to discuss some form of trade agreement. Business between our countries has been lacking since your father’s passing —such a tragedy that was,” Schlatt continued.

“Yes,” Tommy said, eager to keep the topic of conversation away from his parents. “Of course. Thank you.” He wasn’t entirely sure what he was supposed to say in these sorts of situations. He just hoped he’d make Schlatt happy enough that he’d leave him and Tubbo alone once more. He was enjoying talking to his brother.

After a few minutes of small talk Schlatt and Alex disappeared back into the crowd. Tubbo turned to Tommy and giggled. “Did you see the sideburns on that guy?”

“Yeah,” Tommy laughed. “I thought they were wings for a moment—like he’s trying to fly away or something.” Tubbo looked at Tommy with wide eyes.

“Tommy, oh my God,” Tubbo laughed and covered his face with his hands. 

Tommy and Tubbo laughed and talked for a while. Tommy couldn’t stop smiling. He couldn’t explain how great he felt. The fear seemed to melt away when he laughed with Tubbo. He almost forgot how tense and cold he was before. 

This was the way they used to be. Brothers, best friends. Something he’d been longing to have again for so long.

“I missed you,” Tubbo said, looking up at Tommy with eyes that were afraid of rejection. Tommy supposed it made sense.

“I missed you, too,” Tommy said genuinely.

Tubbo smiled and looked away from Tommy and out at the ballroom. “This is so nice. I’m so happy you’re king now. We can have parties like this all the time, and Fundy and Eret can stay here, and we don’t have to be alone anymore, and … ” Tubbo trailed off in confusion when he saw Tommy frowning sadly. “What’s wrong?”

Tommy didn’t speak for a moment, considering his words. Of course Tubbo would expect that the gates would stay open. Tommy didn’t know how to tell him that all of this was only for tonight. Tommy would have to go back to his room after the party. He was dreading it. 

He pushed the thought of his lonely room out of his head as he felt his hands grow a little colder. “The castle will be closed after tonight. No one outside the original staff will be allowed in.” Tommy said quietly.

“But … ” Tubbo’s face fell. He looked like Tommy just crushed all of the excitement out of him. “But my friends … how will I see them? Tommy, you have to keep the gates open,  _ please _ .” Tubbo begged.

“I … we can’t,” Tommy said, turning away from Tubbo and looking at the floor.

“Why can’t we?” Tubbo reached to put a hand on Tommy’s arm but Tommy backed away. “This is all I’ve ever wanted. You — ”

“Toby, stop,” Tommy looked at Tubbo and spoke firmly. He stood up straighter and pressed his lips into a thin line, putting up his walls again. He hated himself with every fiber of his being. He wanted nothing more than to do what Tubbo was asking of him, but seeing the white patch in Tubbo’s hair was a constant reminder of why he couldn’t. “We just can’t, alright?”

Tubbo looked confused and hurt. Tommy instantly felt a wave of guilt wash over him seeing his brother shrink back into himself. “I … ” Tubbo sighed. “Alright.” Tubbo looked down at the floor.

Tommy didn’t look at Tubbo and he knew Tubbo didn’t look at him. They stood in silence. Tommy fumbled with the gloves on his hands. He felt out of place with the cheerful mood of the party. Everything had been going so well.

_ And then you had to go and ruin it. _

“I’ll…be back soon.” Tubbo excused himself and disappeared into the crowd of partygoers, and Tommy was alone once more.

***

Tubbo made his way through the crowd with his head down. He didn’t really know where he was going. He just needed a minute away from Tommy, something he hadn’t considered possible after the last handful of years.

Tubbo didn’t understand. Tommy wanted to close the gates again, but why? Closing the gates would be like stealing the best gift Tubbo had ever received. 

L’Manberg was beautiful. He wanted to look out on the water again, maybe go swimming or out on a boat while it’s still summertime. He wanted to try every single cake and cookie that the bakery sold and then dance to the music playing in the streets until he crashed from the sugar high. He wanted to be with Fundy and Eret. He wanted to make up for all of the things he missed out on, and he wanted to do all of those things with Tommy —but Tommy didn’t want to.

Why didn’t Tommy want to? He was trapped in the castle as much as Tubbo was. Why was he so determined to keep it that way? It didn’t make any sense. 

Tubbo made his way over to the dessert table. If Tommy wasn’t making him happy, some chocolate covered strawberries might. A man stood to his right, eyeing the brownies. He had a striking blue, green, and purple suit on. Each sleeve and pant leg was a different shade. The suit was strangely fashionable. Tubbo couldn’t stop staring.

“Your suit is really cool,” Tubbo said finally. He popped a chocolate strawberry into his mouth.

“Thanks!” The man smiled. “Hey, aren’t you Prince Toby?” Tubbo nodded. He felt awkward that the people at the party treated him so formally. He’d been a prince all his life but he hadn’t been around enough people to really be used to the treatment. “I’m Karl.”

“I’m Tubbo . I mean, you sort of knew that. Just…people call me Tubbo so you can do that too.” Tubbo rambled for a moment causing Karl to laugh.

“Alright, Tubbo.” Karl said. Karl seemed like a good person to be around. Tubbo didn’t know how to describe it. He just had a positive energy.

Tubbo learned that Karl worked at the bakery that made the pumpkin muffins. He had even baked some for the party. Karl pointed in the direction of the muffins and Tubbo saw Fundy with a plateful. Eret was nearby making fun of him. Tubbo finished talking to Karl and made his way over to Eret, Fundy, and their plate of four muffins.

“Hey, Tubbo!” Fundy said cheerfully. “How’s the party?” Tubbo smiled.

“It’s all I hoped it would be…except,” Tubbo paused. “Except Tommy.”

“What’s wrong with Tommy?” Eret asked. Tubbo hesitated. It felt wrong to say bad things about his brother at a party specifically for him.

“Could we go up on the roof?” Tubbo asked. “Just for a little while.” Eret and Fundy nodded and the three of them made their way up to the balcony.

***

Stars shone brightly in the cloudless sky. It was calm. Tubbo thought it was a nice break from the loud music of the party. He loved the party and had been looking forward to it for months, but he had underestimated how stressful it would be. The calm atmosphere of being on the roof with his friends, nothing but the sound of the water and the wind, was welcome.

Tubbo looked out on the water. He loved the sea at night, the way that the moon shone on the waves was so beautiful. He had seen the water from the roof with his friends before, but the way the waves moved always seemed different to him. He could never get tired of it.

None of them spoke —a silent agreement that conversation was unnecessary at the moment. The only things to hear were the nighttime breeze in his ears and the waves on the shore.

Then Tubbo remembered the reason that they came to the roof in the first place. His smile faded as he recalled what Tommy had said. If the gates were closed Tubbo wouldn’t have peaceful moments like this with Fundy and Eret anymore.

Tubbo broke the silence. 

“Tommy says he’s closing the gates after tonight.” Eret and Fundy both turned to look at him, confusion evident on their faces. Tubbo didn’t meet their eyes.

“What?” Fundy asked, now uninterested in the muffin plate. “Why would he want to close the gates again?”

“I don’t know.” Tubbo shook his head. He leaned back on his hands and looked up at the stars. “Everything was going so well. We were talking and laughing and it was so  _ great _ …but then something changed. I don’t know what I did wrong.” Tubbo frowned. “But if the gates are closed and our staff is limited again…I won’t be able to see you guys anymore.”

“That’s so stupid!” Eret threw his hands up. “Why would he want the gates to be closed again? You said that you both were miserable. I can’t imagine that’s something he’d go back to willingly.”

“I know,” Tubbo looked down. “That’s what I’ve been thinking too. It doesn’t make sense.” 

“What if we just continued to live in the castle?” Fundy suggested. “He’ll let you have two friends. It shouldn’t be that big of a deal.” 

“Yeah,” Eret agreed. “We both already have rooms in the castle. We could just stay here—”

“—And then I wouldn’t have to be alone again,” Tubbo finished the thought. Eret nodded. “But then you both would be trapped in here with me. I know it would be easier if we all had each other, but trust me…I wouldn’t wish being shut in this castle on anyone, especially not you guys. It’s one thing for you to work here for a few months. It’s another thing to be stuck in here for…” Tubbo trailed off. He didn’t  _ know _ how long Tommy planned to keep the gates shut.  _ Forever? _

“…for a long time,” Tubbo mumbled after a moment.

Fundy and Eret were quiet for a moment before Eret spoke up again. “We can’t let you be alone anymore, Tubbo. We’ll convince him to open the gates again, I promise, but right now our best bet is just to have me and Fundy try to stay in the castle with you.”

Tubbo thought for a moment. “It’s worth a shot, I guess,” he said finally. “Maybe I could change his mind.”

_ Maybe I could change his mind. _

How could he change Tommy’s mind if he didn’t know what Tommy was thinking to begin with? He’d have to try anyways. There’s no way he could live alone again.

“Let’s do it now, then,” Tubbo said suddenly. He started to stand up and climb his way back down to the balcony. “Come with me. We can convince him together.” Eret and Fundy shared a glance before following Tubbo off the roof.

***

Schlatt and Alex were actually pretty funny, Tommy realized after talking to them for a while. After Tubbo had left, the two of them had returned and Tommy found that he quite liked them. He understood why his parents had been friends with them.

“Tommy!” Tommy turned and saw Tubbo approaching him with the two servants, Eret and Fundy. “Tommy, I need to talk to you.” 

“Okay,” Tommy said hesitantly. He didn’t know why Tubbo seemed so serious. He had left on a bad note earlier but Tommy had hoped they would be able to make amends before the end of the party. Maybe that was what he had come to talk about. “What is it?”

“It’s about the gates being closed after the party,” Tubbo said.

_ Oh no. _

Tommy didn’t want to discuss this, especially not in front of Schlatt and Alex and anyone else who could be listening. He had hoped Tubbo would drop it. Tommy didn’t want to accept that the gates would have to be closed but he did anyway. The difference between him and Tubbo, Tommy realized, was that he knew the reason that the gates were closed. Tubbo had no idea. Tommy took in a breath.

“Tubbo—” He tried.

“Wait,” Tubbo held up his hands to silence him. “Just hear me out.” Tommy looked at his brother uncomfortably but closed his mouth.

“I know how you feel about the gates and the limited staff, and I was thinking that maybe we could have a bit of a compromise.” Tubbo started. Already Tommy was wary of the word ‘compromise’ but he still kept quiet. “I know you want to keep the gates closed, and even though that sounds like the worst possible thing in the world to me, I’m willing to accept it if you let me have just one thing.” Tubbo inhaled. “I want Fundy and Eret to be allowed to stay in the castle.”

Tommy sighed. “Tubbo, no one new is staying in the castle—”

“They’re not  _ new _ . They’ve been here for months!” Tubbo said loudly. A couple of nearby partygoers glanced in their direction before returning to their own conversations. “You’d  _ know _ that if you came out of your room more than once a year…” Tubbo’s voice softened to a mumble but Tommy still heard. He wished he hadn’t.

He wouldn’t show or admit that he was hurt by what Tubbo said, but the condescending tone of Tubbo’s voice struck a nerve in Tommy.

“And what is  _ that _ supposed to mean, Toby?” Tommy said stiffly, enunciating every consonant sharply. His hands were clasped together tightly in front of him and his breathing was slow and controlled. He clenched his teeth together, not trusting himself to say anything else.

“We’ve been stuck in this goddamn castle for our entire lives! It could’ve at least been bearable if we were together, but all you ever did was shut yourself away in your room!” Tubbo’s hands were clenched into fists at his sides.

Tommy’s heartbeat was quickening. He could feel his magic swirling inside of him, coursing through his veins. He couldn’t lose control right now—not with so many people around. Especially not around Tubbo. Even through his rising anger he would never hurt Tubbo. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes to calm himself before responding.

“My answer is no, Toby,” Tommy said. He looked at Tubbo with sad eyes. “I’m sorry.”

Tommy really was sorry. He was sorry that it was his fault that the gates had to be closed. He was sorry that he hadn’t learned to control his powers, even after years of trying. He was sorry that most of Tubbo’s life was spent locked in a castle without any friends because of his stupid mistakes. His stupid, horrible powers.

Eret stepped forward from behind Tubbo. “If there’s anything we could do to change your mind—”

Tommy turned away, trying to end the conversation. He needed to get away from the large group of people in the ballroom. He swore he could feel the air growing colder by the second. 

“There isn’t,” he said simply. “Please…just go now.” Tommy swallowed hard and pretended not to notice the heartbroken look on Tubbo’s face.

He needed to be alone. He needed to get to his room. Tommy turned and walked quickly to the palace guards who stood behind them at the doorway to the rest of the castle. “Empty the castle. The party is over. Shut the gates.”

“Wait, Tommy!” Tubbo said. Tommy heard footsteps running up behind him as he tried to go back to his room. He had halfway turned around when Tubbo grabbed his hand in an attempt to stop him. Tommy tried to yank his hand out of Tubbo’s grasp but that only caused his glove to slip off into Tubbo’s hand. “Tommy, please I—”

“Toby,” Tommy faced Tubbo and looked down at him. He could feel himself losing control of the magic inside of him as a result of his fear, but he willed his words to be stone cold. He couldn’t give away any sort of emotion. It would be too dangerous. “Give me my glove back.  _ Now _ .”

Tommy’s heart beat violently in his chest. His breathing was quickening. Fear. Anger. Pain. It was all getting too much for him.

“Why are you doing this?” Tubbo’s eyes were glistening with tears. Tommy couldn’t tell if it was out of anger or hurt. “I can’t  _ live _ this way.  _ I can’t do this anymore. _ ” Tubbo’s voice broke but he refused to break eye contact with Tommy.

“Then go. Leave the castle,” Tommy said. “If you can’t live like this then you don’t have to anymore.” 

Tommy didn’t want Tubbo to leave. Tubbo was the only person he loved—the only one he cared about, but Tommy understood. He wouldn’t want to stay in the castle either. 

Tubbo was obviously hurt by Tommy’s words but kept going. “Tommy, I’m not  _ leaving _ you! Just tell me _ why _ —”

“Toby,  _ please _ , just give me my glove back.” Tommy pleaded, ignoring whatever Tubbo was trying to say. He was only just barely containing his magic. He could feel his control slipping quickly. He needed to be alone  _ now _ .

“No!” Toby yelled at him defiantly, causing Tommy to wince. Tommy realized he hadn’t ever seen Tubbo angry, not since they were too young to have anything real to be angry about. The way that Tubbo’s hands held the glove and shook violently but his eyes and voice stayed unwavering fed into Tommy’s guilt. “I want answers. Right now. Why do you want to keep the gates closed? Why have you ignored me for  _ ten years _ ? What did I ever  _ do  _ to you?”

“Toby, stop. Now.” Tommy turned towards the door, giving up on getting his glove back. Knowing Tubbo he’d leave it outside Tommy’s room tomorrow—if Tommy hasn’t fully made Tubbo hate him yet.

Tommy closed his eyes and wished that he could disappear in this moment. If he wasn’t here then Tubbo would be so much better off. The whole kingdom would.

“Don’t you  _ dare _ try to ignore me again, Tommy.” Tommy could feel Tubbo glaring teary daggers into the back of his head as he reached for the door handle. “I have been alone for so  _ fucking  _ long and you weren’t there for me at all! I cared so much about you and you just—”

“I said, stop!” Tommy whipped around to face Tubbo and ice shot out from his ungloved hand. It spread across the floor in angry spikes. Tommy looked at what he’d done with horror, eyes burning with tears that he absolutely  _ refused _ to let spill over.

He noticed for the first time during that argument all of the people at the party staring at him. Fear, surprise, and horror all painted on their faces. 

They knew now. They knew his secret and they  _ hated _ him. He hated himself.

“ _ Tommy, _ ” Tubbo whispered. He reached out a hand to Tommy as if he could stop him.

_ I’m sorry, Tubbo. I’m so sorry. _

Tommy reached for the door handle and ran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry updates have been so irregular.  
> My motivation and attention span and self esteem went to shit all at the same time and I just quit writing for a while.  
> But yay chapter lmao.  
> I've been working on a few other things as well that I'm excited to post so that's pog too.  
> Laters.  
> President president.


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